How to Set Boundaries as Co-Parents

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

Marriages and relationships don’t always work out, and sometimes splitting up is the best thing you can do for yourself and your former partner. However, when you have children together, it can change the dynamic of how you communicate and see each other.

Co-parenting isn’t always easy, especially if your relationship didn’t end on good terms. Whether things were amicable or not, you both have to be willing to put your children first and set aside your feelings about each other.

One of the best ways to ensure that happens is by setting healthy boundaries. Boundaries include communication, consistency, and respect, and the sooner you get them in place, the more stable and secure things will be for your kids.

So, how can you set boundaries as co-parents?

Consistent Communication

You may not want to communicate with your ex on a regular basis. However, clear, respectful, and consistent communication is necessary to co-parent effectively. Establish clear communication boundaries, including times when it’s okay to talk, how you will communicate, and topics you will and won’t discuss.

Avoid discussing adult issues that could lead to negative communication patterns between you, and ensure you’re not discussing things about your relationship in front of your child or using them as a messenger.

It often helps to use some kind of designated communication method. Consider a specific app or program to talk back and forth. This can be especially helpful if things are tense or if you aren’t comfortable talking face-to-face. By using an app, you’ll also have a record of everything said.

Develop a Parenting Plan

By creating a designated parenting plan, personal boundaries are less likely to be crossed. Your plan should include details such as scheduling, responsibilities, and financial commitments. Sticking to the plan gives you peace of mind and creates stability for your child.

Your plan should also allow for some flexibility as schedules change but try to establish consistent rules for the child across both households, including things like bedtimes, dietary restrictions, screen time usage, etc.

Be Transparent About Finances

One of the biggest issues parents face, especially when one parent has the child more often, is financial conflict. It’s important to be clear and transparent about spending and what the child needs. That doesn’t mean you need to share the details of your financial situation with your ex; however, defining how everything from school costs to medical expenses will be covered will ensure that everyone is on the same page and that your child is getting what they need.

Take Care of Yourself

Unfortunately, many people deal with high-conflict co-parenting, which is why boundaries are so important. They enable you to prioritize your child’s well-being while also protecting yourself.

If you find that your co-parent isn’t willing to establish healthy boundaries with you or that they keep crossing the boundaries you’ve set, it’s okay to take action. Focus on what you can and will do rather than worrying about what your co-parent will do.

Sometimes, a third party may need to step in. That could include a mediator or even a therapist. If you and your co-parent are willing to meet with a professional together, it can provide a neutral setting for boundaries to be put in place. If not, you might want to consider taking legal action and working with a lawyer.

Going through a divorce or separation with children is difficult, no matter what. Make sure you’re taking care of your mental health along the way, and don’t hesitate to reach out for help if you find that you’re struggling to deal with all of the stress. To learn more about my divorce and breakup therapy services and how I can help, contact me today.