Not Sure What You Want in a Relationship? Let’s Change That!
Feeling uncertain about what you want in a relationship? That’s okay! No one truly ever knows what they’re looking for until they find it. Exploration of relationships can be fun and exciting, but a little daunting as well.
Understanding your own needs, boundaries, and values is important when you’re looking to form new connections with people. Let’s talk about some strategies to use to help gain more clarity and confidence!
1. Reflect on Your Past Relationships
Examining your previous relationships can offer valuable insights into what has and hasn’t worked for you. Consider patterns, both positive and negative, that have emerged in your life.
Ask yourself:
What did I appreciate most in my past partners?
What behaviors or personality traits were deal-breakers for me?
Were there moments where I felt truly fulfilled or deeply unsatisfied?
Identifying themes helps you better understand what aligns with your emotional needs.
2. Identify Your Core Values
Your values shape most of your priorities and influence your relationships. Pinpointing what matters most can help you determine the type of connection you desire.
Consider these questions:
Is loyalty, honesty, or communication more important to me?
Do I value independence, or do I prefer more togetherness in a relationship?
How important are shared interests, family values, or lifestyle choices?
When your relationship reflects similar core values, you are likely to feel more secure.
3. Assess Your Emotional Needs
Knowing what you need emotionally allows you to communicate those needs clearly in a relationship.
Reflect on:
Do I need regular words of affirmation or displays of affection?
Do I feel most supported through quality time, acts of service, or thoughtful gestures?
How much emotional availability do I expect from my partner?
Clarifying these emotional needs helps you identify a more compatible partner.
4. Visualize Your Ideal Relationship
Creating a mental picture of what your ideal partnership would look like can provide direction.
How do you and your partner spend your time together?
What qualities does your ideal partner possess?
How do you want to feel in the relationship (secure, valued, respected, inspired)?
This visualization exercise can help you recognize what resonates with you and your true desires.
5. Embrace Self-Discovery
Sometimes, uncertainty stems from not fully understanding yourself. Exploring your interests, hobbies, and personal goals can offer clues about the kind of relationship that fits your lifestyle.
Try these self-discovery activities:
Journaling about your ideal future.
Exploring new hobbies or creative outlets.
Connecting with people who inspire or challenge you.
The more you understand yourself, the clearer your relationship priorities will become.
6. Define Your Deal-Breakers
Identifying your non-negotiables helps you set boundaries and recognize when a relationship isn’t serving you.
Consider:
Are there certain behaviors I cannot accept (ex: dishonesty or lack of respect)?
What lifestyle choices are incompatible with mine?
What emotional needs must be met for me to feel safe and secure?
By defining these boundaries, you will have greater success when weighing potential partners.
7. Honest Communication
Once you have a better sense of what you want, practice expressing your needs clearly and confidently.
Tips for effective communication:
Be direct yet compassionate when sharing your expectations.
Ask your partner about their goals and relationship desires.
Prioritize active listening to allow for a deeper understanding of your partner.
Open communication helps you determine compatibility and reduces misunderstandings.
8. Seek Guidance and Support
If you’re still feeling unsure, there is always help! Trusted friends, family, or even professional guidance can provide clarity and help you process through all of your thoughts and feelings.
Consider:
Focusing on yourself and personal growth by reading self-help books, attending workshops, or going to support groups.
Reading and reflecting on relationships. Ask others about their experiences with their partners and how they discovered what they wanted in relationships.
Speaking with a counselor or mental health therapist to explore emotional patterns and identify needs in potential partners.
Interested in Tailored Support?
Having guidance can offer new perspectives and empower you to make better decisions. If you would like additional information about therapy for relationship issues, contact me with any questions.