Navigating Grief: What Helps (and What Doesn’t)
Photo by Tamara Gore on Unsplash
Grief is one of the most universal human experiences, and we still can’t fully prepare for it. Whether you’re going through the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a job, or even a vision of the future, grief will change you.
And even though friends might offer well-meaning advice, some of it will miss the mark entirely. Social media may tell you to “stay strong” or “move on,” but the reality is rarely so simple. Grief isn’t a straight line; it’s a series of waves, and learning what helps (and what doesn’t) can make those waves a little more bearable.
What Helps
Allowing Yourself to Feel
Grief brings a whole spectrum of emotions: sadness, anger, guilt, numbness, confusion, and even moments of unexpected joy. All of these are valid. Suppressing your emotions doesn’t make them disappear.
Instead, forcing them underground makes them resurface later in more complicated ways. Giving yourself permission to feel without judging yourself is an act of self-compassion.
Staying Connected
One of grief’s most insidious effects is isolation. While you’ll need moments alone, regular connection with others is so important. This doesn’t have to mean long conversations about your loss; sometimes just a shared meal, a walk, or even sitting in silence with a friend can be the connection you need.
Support groups can also offer a sense of community with people who truly understand what you’re going through.
Establishing Small Routines
When everything feels chaotic, routines can provide a lifeline. Even small acts like making your bed, brewing your morning coffee, and taking a short walk can create a sense of stability. These little anchors in your day allow you to feel a sense of control over your life.
Finding Ways to Remember
Rituals and remembrance can help keep a sense of connection to what you’ve lost. These rituals can include creating a photo album, lighting a candle on important dates, or engaging in an activity your loved one enjoyed. These acts help integrate the loss into your ongoing life story rather than erasing it.
What Doesn’t Help
Forcing a Timeline
The idea that grief follows neat “stages” in a fixed order is a myth. There is no expiration date for missing someone or something important to you. Trying to rush the process often leads to unresolved feelings that can resurface unexpectedly later on.
Avoiding the Pain Completely
Distraction can be helpful in small doses, but avoiding grief altogether only postpones the inevitable. Avoid working too much, losing yourself in substance use, or constantly staying active without listening to your body and emotions.
Comparing Your Grief to Others
No two losses are the same, and neither are the ways people grieve. Comparing your progress (or your emotions) to someone else’s can create unnecessary guilt or shame. Your path is yours alone.
Relying Solely on “Staying Strong”
Strength isn’t measured by how little you cry or how quickly you move on. Real strength lies in allowing yourself to be vulnerable and accepting help when you need it.
Believing You Should Be “Over It”
Grief changes over time, but it doesn’t just vanish. Your feelings will lessen in intensity, but there will always be moments, like birthdays and anniversaries, that bring the loss back into sharp focus. This is normal. It’s a sign of love.
Navigating Your Grief Journey
After a huge loss, you don’t return to the exact version of yourself you were before; instead, you learn to carry it differently. This doesn’t mean the pain disappears, but it can become woven into your life in a way that allows for new meaning, connection, and even joy. For guidance along this life transition, reach out to learn more about grief therapy.