How to Navigate a Relationship with an Emotionally Invalidating Partner
Photo by Louis Galvez on Unsplash
Emotional validation is a fundamental part of healthy relationships. It helps us feel seen, heard, and safe with our partners. Routine dismissal, criticism, and ignoring of our emotions chip away at our self-esteem and connection with our partners.
If you’re in a relationship with someone who emotionally invalidates you, you might feel confused, frustrated, or even question your own reality. You’re not alone, and you’re not overreacting. It’s difficult but possible to learn to navigate a relationship with an emotionally invalidating partner. Let’s examine what emotional invalidation looks like, why it happens, and strategies for protecting your emotional health.
What Emotional Invalidation Looks Like
Emotional invalidation means that someone tends to dismiss, minimize, or judge your emotional experiences. It can be subtle or overt, intentional or unconscious. Common examples and phrases include:
“You’re overreacting.”
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“That didn’t happen like that.”
Changing the subject when you express feelings.
Making jokes about your emotions or calling them “dramatic.”
Over time, this kind of interaction can lead to loneliness, anxiety, and even symptoms of trauma. You might start to second-guess your feelings, avoid saying what you need, or stop trying to share your inner world altogether.
Why Does Emotional Invalidation Happen?
Understanding why your partner invalidates you can offer some insight, though it doesn’t excuse the behavior. It’s important to remember that even if someone has a reason for their behavior, it’s still their responsibility to change it—not yours to tolerate it. Here are a few common reasons a partner might be emotionally invalidating:
A Lack of Emotional Literacy
Some people grew up in environments where emotions were ignored or punished, so they never learned how to respond with empathy.
Defensiveness
Your partner might feel threatened by your emotions, especially if they interpret them as criticism or blame.
Weaponized Power Dynamics
Invalidation can sometimes be used (consciously or not) to control the narrative or maintain emotional dominance.
A Discomfort with Vulnerability
If your partner is afraid of emotional intimacy, they might use invalidation to create distance and avoid discomfort.
How to Respond to Emotional Invalidation
Name Your Feelings Without Blaming Your Partner
Try using “I” statements to express how you feel when your partner invalidates you.
For example: “When I hear ‘you’re overreacting,’ I feel dismissed and hurt. I need to feel heard and understood.” Focus on your emotional experience rather than attacking or labeling the other person. This can make your partner feel less defensive and open up space for more productive dialogue.
Set Boundaries
You have a right to emotional safety. Boundaries might sound like:
“I’m not okay with being called too sensitive. If that continues, I’ll need to take space from the conversation.”
“If we can’t talk respectfully about feelings, I’m going to step away until we can.”
Boundaries aren’t ultimatums; they’re clear limits you set to protect your mental and emotional health.
Be Clear About What You Need
Many people don’t know what emotional validation looks like. Try explaining it for your partner, and be specific:
“When I’m upset, it helps when you say something like, ‘That makes sense’ or ‘I can see why you’d feel that way.’”
“I don’t always need a solution, I just need someone to listen.”
Practice Self-Validation
If your partner can’t meet your emotional needs consistently, you’ll need to build that support system within yourself. Remind yourself that your feelings are valid, even if someone else doesn’t acknowledge them. Journaling, therapy, and talking to supportive friends can make you feel seen and heard.
Getting Professional Help
If emotional invalidation is a chronic issue in your relationship, reach out to us. In relationship therapy, we can work on improving your communication patterns, developing more emotional awareness, and discovering what it takes to build and sustain healthy relationships.